If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
