Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My ass is underappreciated
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
