Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
