The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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