Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
