The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
