can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize