Pants 0. Shit 1.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
