can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
