I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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