You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
