Define "chronic" masturbator.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
