You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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