she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
