i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize