I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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