so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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