Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dear god my vagina.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
