i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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