Will you blow on my dice?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
