I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm at about main and main street
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
