I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
