He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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