Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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