I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
