Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
