I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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