Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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