New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
