Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
