so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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