Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I know her cup size but not her name....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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