do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
