Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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