why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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