just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
