Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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