my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize