He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
