I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
