I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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