I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
