Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
where are my eyebrows?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
