Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
