I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
