my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
