five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
