sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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