When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't turn off my feet"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
