I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
