I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So drunk its hurt
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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