I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Found the puke drawer
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If I die, sorry about rent.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize