is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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