Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
