I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
