I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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