My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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