those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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