i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
