I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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