does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
