I wish my penis had an off switch
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
