can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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