I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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