This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Did I show you my penis last night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
did you just send me my own nude
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
