he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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