i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
