Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
