I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
