Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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