This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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