I looked at my own cervix.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
