how can u be prego again
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
